There are some people, real or fictional that are always associated with that “tool”.
Tommy Pickles and his screwdriver.
Woman Wonder and her lasso.
Ash Ketchum and his cap.
*Okay, I chose all fictitious characters but you get the idea.*
These tools, in essence, are an extension of their identity and define who they are, or who they want to be.
They somehow amass some powers and rise to whatever occasion that has the audacity to confront them.. whether an infant leader, Amazonian Goddess or Pokemon Master.
With their tool, they get shit done.
Tools are resources that help you to overcome challenges. In most cases, the more challenging something is, the more resources, skills(or tools) are required to knock it out the park.
*Challenge of wedding confidence for the bride-to-be enters the chat*
In what I’ve come across, this is a universal goal for every bride-to-be but it looks differently for each. Despite the differences, there are unifying factors *ahem tools* or in this case, skills that facilitate the process and make it a reality.
And contrary to popular belief, these go far beyond external appearance.
When you are able to add these tools to your toolkit, and ultimately life… Transformations happen.
And that’s cool.
So, here are the 3 essential skills every bride-to-be needs for wedding confidence.
Skill 1- Curiosity
Killer of cats? Yes.
But also a critical skill to improving your wedding confidence. When you’re able to act curiously with yourself, some pretty magical things are bound to happen.
First off, you’ll be able to diffuse any and all mean ass thoughts that could enter your head.
You know those mean thoughts I’m referring too. I call them the “not enoughs”.
“I’m not thin enough.”
“I’m not pretty enough.”
“Not confident enough”, etc.
Let’s look at these through the lens of curiosity.
When you’re curious, you lower threatening emotions and thoughts.
Curiosity works better than criticism for changing.
Skill 2- Compassion
Think of a goal you have for your wedding.
It could be feeling more confident,
Building lean muscle,
Feeling totally zen, or
Whatever it is, imagine you need to nail every single thing perfectly to meet that goal and if you don’t…
“You’re too lazy”,
“You don’t want it badly enough”,
“You’re stupid”, or
Sit with those feelings for a bit…
It sucks, right?
The self-criticism spiral starts and you feel full of shame for failing “yet again.”
Self-compassion fixes that and is a major key.
Compassion researchers identify three parts to self-compassion:
Common humanity, and
When you’re in touch with these three, combined with being curious, you begin to seek out solutions and make things better instead of harshly criticizing and feeling worse.
Instead of thinking;
“I’ll never feel confident for my wedding.” You think, “I’m not feeling the confidence level I want yet, but how can I start getting there?”(there’s curiosity creeping in.)
Rather than staying comfortable and no longer progressing, you allow yourself to step into discomfort to push your limits to grow like trying on something that might feel like a bit of a stretch now but exposing yourself to the sensation(and if not ready, it’s a “not yet.” not a “never.“)
Instead of thinking;
“I need to be perfect.” You think, “I’m consistently doing what needs to be done and focusing on progress and the process. How can I keep this up?”
Which actually brings me to the third skill.
Skill 3- Consistency
Consistency is the most slept on skill here for improving wedding confidence. Every other skills gets built atop when consistent.
Without consistently practicing the first two skills, nothing really sticks. You’re unarmed.
Without his screwdriver, Tommy is trapped in the play pen.
Without her lasso of truth, Wonder Woman ain’t gettin the true deets of the shit going on, and
Ash loses another gym battle without his hat.
Is this simple? Of course it is.
Is it easy? Not so much.
Most people can start something, and can even endure it for a good amount of time but where it starts to fall apart is when what’s trying to be kept up isn’t sustainable.
Long consistency is better than short intensity
One way to accomplish the goal of wedding confidence is to break the big goal down to skills, practices and actions.
See how all these skills work together?
How can you consistently be self-compassionate?
Where can you consistently be curious?
Overtime, you’ll be able to facilitate that ultimate transformation to becoming more confident for your wedding while doing more of the things that make change easier and likely to stick.